Paving the Way: A Girl's Journey to Create Freedom

2010-05-11T07:27:00.001-07:00

Today is verrtual lobby day to repeal DADT. Don't Ask Don't Tell is a policy that keeps our men and women in uniform from being who they really are. This is not right, the military are government employees, if things like ENDA are passed then basically the government violates them. Everyones parents tell them that they can be what ever they want when they grow up, but what if thats not true? I just want to know why the policy is still in place. Tell me. 

more about the T.

2010-05-02T16:36:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you were sitting in your GSA and someone brought up a transgender issue? Do you even know what transgender issues are? I think a lot of people forget about transgender issues in their GSA's because transgender kids aren't as prevalent in our schools as gay's and lesbians. The reason for this is that Transgender kids have a harder time coming out than other students. Being transgender involves a lot of money, time, commitment and emotional distress. Teenagers have a hard time doing this because they know it will be a long and hard process that might cause much pain to them and their loved ones. They are afraid to be themselves. Some are so afraid that they keep it a secret their entire lives. I have 2 stories I'd like to share with you so that you can see how different Transgender people's experiences can be. The first story I'd like to tell you is about a boy, lets just call him r. He is an FTM who started his transition last year. When he first told his parents, who are divorced they were not exactly supportive. But they came around eventually, buying him a binder and considering a name change. R has since started a you tube blog that talks about Transgender issues and is in the process of writing a bill that will allow students to have their chosen names on official school documents like yearbooks and ID cards. He is a shining example of a transgender success story and he is a really inspiring person to talk to, he has become a role model of mine, changing the transgender world one step at a time. The next story is about a girl, lets just call her C. She is an FTM that has not begun her transition yet. Being transgendered is all about the transition from gender of origin to gender of choice. C has told most of her friends that she is trans, but is afraid of what her parent's reaction will be. She is involved in the LGBT community and is getting help from the people around her, but she does not know when she will tell her parents. I don't think she keeps secrets, but I think she is afraid, the fear that keeps you from coming out.
Please take these stories to heart and share them, so that the world is afraid no more.

The T in LGBT

2010-04-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

We talk alot about how this is an LGBT blog. But I dont think anyone talks enough about the T in LGBT. Transgender people suffer many hardships, just as much if not more than gay's and lesbians. Transgender people often dont feel comfortable with their own bodies and some cant even look at themselves in the mirror. They have to go through so much to make them feel and look like the other gender. Some struggle with name changes and being called their birth gender, others are not accepted anywhere and feel like they have nowhere to turn. I have a friend who I met on the internet who is trans. He is FTM (male to female) and struggles to be accepted by his family and in school. He made me begin to question my own gender. I have always had male and female qualities. When I was young, I always used to get mistaken for a boy. I sometimes still do. I love to hang out with the guys and talk about guy stuff. But I also love to dress up and feel pretty. I like having the guys take care of me and treat me like a lady. What I have concluded about myself is that I am like a tuffle . With a very beautiful, feminine, loving outside and a gooey, boyish, playful and inappropriate on the inside. I am genderqueer. I am both a boy and a girl and I like the way I am. I sometimes wish I had male genitals but most of the time I am happy with my body. I love to joke and be tough and play sports (but in a very girly way, I am so bad at sports). I think that gender identity is something that the LGBT community should take more seriously. Combating Transgender bullying and harassment is important too. So is helping teens to combat dysphoria, which debilitates teens so often and no one even knows. It's sad to see people go through this. I want to help.

"here come the business men like a heard a cattle rumbling in the exchange has officially begun, and all the offices or buzzing the executives are busy bees, watch the keys turn in the employees" - Turn, Smile, Shift, Repeat, Phantom Planet

2010-04-21T06:01:00.001-07:00

read my new blog post at <a href="http://blog.dayofsilence.org/2010/04/day-of-silence-student-voices-emmy-new.html">http://blog.dayofsilence.org/2010/04/day-of-silence-student-voices-emmy-new.html</a>
<meta charset="utf-8">

LGBT Activism at it's Best!

2010-04-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

I took a break for a few days but now i am back. During the time I was gone I met some amazing people and did some amazing things. At a screening for a documentary screening called bullicides (about LGBT kids who are bullied so badly they commit suicide) I met Daryl Presgraves who is the communications director for GLSEN and Dr. Eliza Bayard the executive director of GLSEN. Daryl recognized me from my tweets asking me if i was rememberandhope on twitter. When I replied that I was he told me that he loves my tweets and reccomended that I apply for the GLSEN ambassadors program, which connects LGBT youth with social media. I also met, through her website and a confrence call Laura who is the executive director of NMB and who is organizing for harvey milk day in may. Day of silence is on friday and I am so pumped! I am so excited to participate, organize and get active for this most wonderful event. I have been planning ever since last years DOS and now my plans are finally coming true. Now I am just trying to get the word out and do the right thing. Also, I started a conversation with Ryan Cassata a 16 year old FTM transgender. He is so nice and so smart and inspiring. I think that he can help me alot and we can eventually partner to do something great together. I love meeting new people, being an LGBT activist and just making the world a better place.

Passover and Activism

2010-03-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

Passover is a day where we celebrate freedom and commemorate the Jews "coming out" of Egypt. I think that Passover is the Jewish holiday that has the strongest connection to activism that I know of. Freedom is something that we in the LGBT community do not have yet. We cannot come out openly into our metaphorical Egypt and we have no guiding force like Moshe to lead us out. Which is why even the people in the back can do their part to help start the journey. Even in the passover story every action has a reaction. Moshe's mom did not want to let her baby die and put herself in danger to protect him, it was a small action that produced a huge reaction. Just remember all of the things you can do, no matter how small they seem to make a difference. You can organize Day of Silence at your school which could lead to huge numbers of people joining your GSA and then you guys organizing a rally, and so on. Its like that Disney song. The "Friends for Change" http://tv.disney.go.com/disneychannel/friendsforchange/ program is focused on the environment and helping kids to do their part in helping to save the planet. Their main message is that kids can do something to change the world even if it is that one little thing. The Jewish people all worked together to get out of Egypt and do something great. The Friends for Change program seeks to work with kids, just as Moshe worked with the Jewish people. This lesson about passover something that I think should be shared at every Seder and included in every Hagaddah because it is something that everyone needs to know.

"With one little action the chain reaction
We'll help it start
Make it strong
Shine a light and send it on" - Disney's Friends for Change, Send it On

Thank you and have a Happy Passover

Constant Dilligance

2010-03-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

If you want to do something you have to be constant and diligent about it. I really want this blog and my website to take off so I put alot of work into it. I take time away from things that other kids my age do so that I can be the real activist I want to be. I love what I am doing and I would never want to do anything else. This is my passion, I am diligent, professional, loving and very persistent in what I do. My activism spans across all the areas of my life, from hanging out with my friends, to school project and it is my weekends, it even is in my religion. I work with an organization called keshet which connects Judaism with LGBT activism. I have such a love for the youth that I work with and that I am. I know that one day my work will impact many many kids out there. I know that even if it just impacts one, I can feel good about what I'm doing. Before the internet kids didnt have a place to go when no one else was there and they were feeling alone about their sexuality. Now, there are many places like that, but I want to create a place where kids can help other kids help themselves. I would really appreciate your help to do that because I know that by working together we can make the LGBT world a better place.

Sacrifice

2010-03-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

If you really want something you have to be willing to sacrifice for it. I want so badly to be in, run and organize in my GSA but I cannot do that right now due to parental restrictions ( and let me make this absolutely clear it has nothing to do with me being gay) but I am willing to sacrifice that right now so that I can do it next year. I can still go to my group but I wanted to be active in the school and I still do. But there are things you have to be willing to put on hold to do what is right. I will probably have to wait until break to volunteer for the organization medwiser but I know that once I do I will have a great feeling that will make it worth the wait. I know that everyone needs to make priorites and that its important to do what you love, but there is a right time for everything and maybe now just isnt the right time.

"I want some happily ever after to happen to me"- Happily Ever After, Once Upon a Mattress

P.S Please 1. Nominate me for student advocate of the year on GLSEN
2. sponsor me for the NYC AIDS walk

Stress

2010-03-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

Stress is something that happens to everyone, wether you happen to be an LGBT activist who on top of her "job" also has school work and a dramatic production, or a regular hardworking guy who has to provide for his family everyday stress will eat you alive if you dont deal with it right. I know that with Day of Silence coming up we all feel the stress to put on our best for what most likely is the biggest LGBT student activist day of the year. We are all putting our heads together trying to figure out why and how we can make 2010 the best DOS ever and how our school can grow and show solidarity. The truth is you just have to really believe in what your doing, be intrested and be pumped. Make priorities, lists whatever it takes to get the job done right. Remember that balance is important and that you cant let your schoolwork take a back seat to your extracurriculars (trust me it happens). Remember that there are people there to help you no matter what, so don't be afraid to step back for a little bit and let others take the wheel. Its the ability to step back that makes you a real leader. Try your hardest and that will be the best you can do, dont worry too much but have fun!

"Were like 3 different people with only 1 (heart) the king and the minstrel and I" The King and The minstrel and I, Once Upon a Mattress

P. S on a personal note , it would be really awesome if you guys voted for me for student advocate of the year for GLSEN, email me or comment for more info.

Gov 2.0, Technology and LGBT Activisim

2010-03-19T07:47:00.000-07:00

Gov 2.0 is all about the transparency of our government right? It's the ability to be able to show the people exactly what the government and what it's officials are doing. Technology is the only answer because its environmentally friendly, can be accessed almost anywhere and is available to a wide variety of people. Technology and Government sound like they should go hand and hand right? But some people in government don't want transparency and technology because they don't want to be held accountable for their actions. If people could see all the wrong doings in government, employees might become more efficient. Corruption might decrease. What a shame that would be for people who mess around in government. People might recognize that the government is denying people what they need because of corrupt politicians who only want what's best for them and don't have the peoples best interests at heart. What does this have to do with LGBT Activism? There are 2 bills in the house right now called the Safe Schools Improvement Act and the Student Non Discrimination Act. The politicians who vote no on this are the same ones who who don't want this transparency. This is on both sides of the isle. It needs to stop. Gov 2.0 needs to happen and stay in place because people need to know the truth about their government and their interests in politics.

Thanks to Adriel Hampton (@adrielhampton on twitter) for getting me interested in Gov 2.0 and The Engadget team for helping me connect LGBT Activism and Technology!

2010-03-18T12:04:00.001-07:00

crazy studying is crazy studying which leaves me no time for anything! ahhhhh omg! english and ssx3 + chem = study face of steele! so now what??? Day of silence thats what! dayofsilence.org is amazing, the people there are amazing and I feel amazing (apart from more than legit failing my math test! go day of silence now!!!!!!

2010-03-17T08:41:00.001-07:00

Today is one of my BFF's birthdays! He is like the coolest kid ever. I love brithdays, not just for me but for everybody. It makes you feel good about yourself, either because you love that person so much or because you are that person that everyone loves. I love my life right now. This morning, I completley forgot everything (including some important stuff), but it felt so good. Living in the moment is amazing because you dont really have anything to worry about. I love everyone from my play too, their all so nice and amazing. They know exactly how I'm like and they accept me, jusr like my friends do. You need to pave the way for yourself before you pave it for others. That is what i am trying to do right now.  I want to pave that road and I will. I love.....

"shy im incredibly shy cant you see that this confident air is a mask that I wear cuz im shy, and you may be sure, way down deep I'm demure, and though some might deny it at bottom I'm quiet and pure. I know its wrong to be meek as I am my chances may pass me by, I pretend to be strong but as weak as I am all I can do is try" - Shy, Once Upon a Mattress

2010-03-16T07:56:00.001-07:00

I made someone do what she made me do. Why? Why did I do that, I just wanted him to know that there was someone going through the same thing he was. I didnt mean to give him another way to hurt himself. I know once you do it, every time you feel that way after that, you will do it again. He says that its not my fault, but I know it is. I am so tired and so full of ambition and hurt at the same time. These people are my friends and I dont want to lose them, but I dont want to hurt them either.  Why must I do all this to myself. I do wrong by me even when I dont realize it. I do not know how I can reverse this. I want to create a world where me and all my like can be equal, but if I am not sociable and relatively successful I cannot do that. People's intentions are not their actions. They may mean well but they dont act as well as they mean. I need to be a good person. I need to be loved. If I can be loved I can allow all of the others like me to be loved too. 

"In a little while, just a little while, you and I will be 1,2,3,4. In a little while just a little while  I will see your smile on the face of my son to be forever hand in glove, is the way I have it planned, but I'll only stay in love, If the glove contains your hand" - In a Little While, Once Upon a Mattress 

2010-03-15T08:36:00.001-07:00

I have drastically changed my additude over the past 3 days. I went on a school retreat this weekend and it totally changed my whole perspecive. Not only do I feel closer to my whole grade than I ever have, but I feel better than I have in months. I had a really amazing conversation with kids in our grade. I love them and see that if I really try hard enough I can get to know and be friends with them. I'm not going to lie, I felt really awkward. But, the awkwardness fades as you get closer and closer to the people that you are talking to. My next step is to get closer to the people in the play. They all seem really nice and sweet and I know if I try hard enough they can become my friends. I love being here right now! I am stoaked for the play next sunday....<3

"Quiet Quiet, the Queen insists on quiet, she's ordered 20 mattresses the softest and the best, and shes threatened execution if we dare desturb the rest of her very special guest shes ordered quiet, quiet" - Quiet, Once Upon a Mattress

2010-03-12T06:46:00.001-08:00

I am so confused. I thought I knew who I was and what I was supposed to be doing. I guess I dont anymore though. It makes me sad that I dont know anymore. I have been hurt so badly that it made me believe in "no one no cry" so I feel like I want to be a loner. I dont care about having friends or being popular, I just want to help people and do what I am passionate about. I don't want to be so much of a leader but a follower someone behind the scenes who makes everything happen. I want to make my dreams come true. Even if I'm not a household name, even if I never strike it big, Ill be helping people. That is my greatest dream. 

2010-03-11T06:35:00.001-08:00

I dont know what to say to the people out there who are feeling what I feel right now. I know that there is nothing I can say or do to make you feel better. I know that you will just go home and cry into someone's arm like I did last night. I just want you to hope. I hope everyday that things will get better. I know someday they will because I'm confident. I try to build my self confidence everyday. Because confidence is the key to being happy. If your confident in yourself you wont really care what those other people say. I want to send this message to anyone out there feeling lonely. Find something your passionate about. Being passionate makes you happy and gives you an oppertunity to meet people that arent like the ones you usually come in contact with. That's where Live Out Loud has really helped me. I strive to be the best. I love, I laugh and I cry. You can be balanced, you just need confiednce, hope and passion. 

"Life is a road and I want to keep going, Love is a river and I want to keep flowing"- At The Beginning, Anistasia 

Diamond

2010-03-10T07:51:00.000-08:00

Diamonds are shiny, they lure us in with there sparkle and sexy appeal. When you get close to the diamond you have to make a choice, whether you want to pay the price or not. It's one of those pivotal moments in life where you really realize who you are. You probably have two choices in front of you, the one that could make you popular or the one that could make you a great person. You have to choose the one you want more, you have to choose the one that makes you happy. I will come across that moment next year when I decide if I want to continue acting or not. I love to act, but I want to do hockey and I want to focus more on gay rights stuff. Hockey doesn't begin until the spring, the ending of the production but it would mean that I have to either miss tryouts or double up. I want to be in the GSA next year, but my therapy gets in the way of me doing more than one afterschool thing at a time. Besides, I got alot of crap for being in the play this year because my mom said it was preventing me from doing other things that are more meaningful than acting. The thing is I don't want to give up acting because it runs in my blood. My mom was an wonderful actress and a drama teacher. I have been acting since I was 4 years old, when I was in the chorus of a semi-professional production of The Sound of Music. Ever since then I have been in a production almost every year since. I didn't do anything in 8th grade because I didn't have access to any theatre stuff. I know that I don't have time for everything but I'm still not sure what is more important. What is my Diamond? And what's my right path? Have you guys ever had a crystalizing moment like that (scrubs reference)? What was your experience? Write it in the comments! Please! Remember to follow me!

"Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here" - Weightless, All Time Low

The Real World

2010-03-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

Sometimes in the world you need to compromise with people. You can not always have everything your way. I know people who have an image of what they want in their head and refuse to except anything less than perfect. Perfectionism is a good thing sometimes, but sometimes you cant have exactly what you want because things don't go as you plan. A very good friend of mine once said what happens in here (school) is not the same as what happens out there (the world). When you get out there your'e on your own. Its the "real world" as he calls it. It's not easy and It's not fun but it happens and you have to get through it because sometimes life might surprise you and give you a good moment. He says that I am more in the real world than any of my classmates because of what I have endured. That out there there are millions of people just like me. If you are feeling alone, just know that there is someone out there just like you for you to talk and connect to, and to listen to there story too. That is what NGYA is all about. Please visit our site at ngya.yolasites.com. Thanks!

"this cant be the real world now, I dont believe it, when I cant see the truth" - The Real World. All American Rejects

"And there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!" - The Real Slim Shady, Eminem

Connection

2010-03-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

I am trying to think of ways to connect with other LGBT activists to network and build a community. I want to be able to be in contact with many LGBT organizations and activists from all around the world. I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions how to do that? I'm using twitter but I feel that I am not getting out there enough. What else is there? I have linkedin and facebook and this blog, but I want more attention from the LGBT community. I was wondering if there was anyone reading this with alot of social networking experience that could help me? I really love doing what I do and I want to make it known to everyone out there what I'm doing and what my message is. I know that someday I will be the big activist I want but I just want to build up a small community right now. So spread the word!
Thanks,

Emmy

"I'm not a princess and this ain't a fairy tale and I'm not the one you sweep off her feet, lead her up the starewell, this ain't hollywood, this is a big town and it's too late for you and your white horse to come around"
-Taylor Swift, White Horse

The Biggest News Ever!

2010-02-26T20:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I was thinking about how I could build up my credibility and be professional. I thought about putting badges of organizations I belonged to on the blog and having people see what kind of person I am by what kind of organizations and associations I belonged to. So I started looking for associations specifically oriented with helping LGBT youth. The weird thing was I couldn't find any really legitimate associations that did anything of the sort. So I remembered talking to a friend that was thinking of setting up a website about LGBT issues and she was using yola.com to build her site. The moment I realized that I decided to start my own association to bridge the gap. My association would help kids connect and get active in their environments, communities and schools. It would help them get active and help them learn about what is going on in the LGBT world at large, even connect them to bigger LGBT organizations. This is called the National Gay Youth Association, and I have begun building the site at http://ngya.yolasite.com and though it is not finished yet I will encourage you to check it out now and to leave feed back on our contact us page. Also please feel free to promote our site on your social networking profiles such as facebook and twitter. I have started a facebook fan page for NGYA and enourage you to become a fan there as well. This is really exciting for me and even though I am still down, I know that this will make things better.

"cuz im in too deep and im trying to keep up above in my head instead of going under, stead of going under again, stead of going under again.." -In Too Deep, Sum 41

Down, Down, Down

2010-02-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

I feel so down today. I don't really know why, I should feel happy. My article came out yesterday (ill scan it later, I promise) and I feel good about all my classes (even my chem test). Even so I feel like I did before vacation. Like no one cares about me that doesn't feel obligated to. I feel like I don't have anyone in the world but myself, and that I can't stop the enviable from happening. I wish I could remember what happened way back when, maybe it would help me sort out these feelings, but I cant. I can't believe she got what she wanted, she complained and whined and still it came true. Why doesn't that happen to me, no matter how strong I am or how much I keep my mouth shut, nothing goes my way. I get so paranoid, I wish that I could make those girls go away. Even the ones who support me can't help but stop and stare, because I am different and different is not necessarily good. I don't really know what is making me feel this way, but I don't like it. I want to cry.

"hold your head high heavy heart. take a chance and make it big because it's the last you'll ever get, if we dont take it when will we make it?" - The Phrase That Pays, The Academy is...

Ive been really preoccupied lately so i havent posted in a month....

2010-02-22T06:36:00.000-08:00

So,

1. I dropped out of the speech...I couldn't let myself become the martyr for the school, I can't let them run me out, I cant let them win. There still will be a speech, I just won't be in it.
2. My BFF Hannah was going to come to NY next month but then she had to tell me she couldn't come because of her health and I got really depressed
3. I had a really long talk with my English teacher about how Heschel works, my life and why no one excepts me, not even my family
4. February break is here and gone and I still have not seen my CA friends or even talked to my Aunt and Uncle, I'm still mad at them
5. I dont really feel feminine anymore, I have to admit that I am not comfortable in my own skin
6. The GSA was started but then I couldn't go anymore because it was on a day where I already had a prior commitment, and I cant change it
7. Emma Goldberg (the person who wrote the article about me, which still has not come out yet) and I are working on a website for GSA's to connect with each other
8. I really feel lonely and desprate...I need a girlfriend...like now

Emmy....<3

-"I will not make the same mistakes that you did, I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery, I will not break the way you did you fell so hard, I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far"
-Because of you, Kelly Clarkson

Why do i never post???

2010-01-23T08:03:00.000-08:00

Ok things that have happened while I have been gone
1. Prop 8, Courage Campaign
2. Student Senate meeting, speech should focus on me not on general LGBT stuff, I think other way around, told teacher, teacher helping me write speech
3. MLK organizing week, Bayard Rustin was MLK's friend who was openly gay and a civil rights activist. MLK had a dream that all people would be viewed as equal, even gay people.
4. went back to Live Out Loud this week and it was great. Gatherings 3rd wendsday of the month (next month feb 24) @ NYC Museum School
5. My schools first GSA meeting happened this week
6. No Name Calling Week is next week and my two freinds are organizing it. should get interesting.
7. My podcast is now on itunes and on blip.tv my username is lgbtadvocate for both.
writing some memoir this weekend.

Love Ya

"Never thought that it'd be easy cuz were o so distant now, and the walls are closing in on us and were wondering how, no one has a solid answer when your walking in the dark and you see the look on my face it just tears me apart"- Down to Earth, Justin Beiber (yes hes annoying and sounds like a girl and yes sometimes i feel like i want to rip out his vocal chords (just kidding) but he has great lyrics in some of his songs and I really want to tell him my story. Some day, some day.)

Interview

2010-01-04T06:42:00.000-08:00

Today I was interviewed by our school newspaper about gay rights at my school. here is the text.

Have you faced any homophobia at our school?
Yes, people have strayed and felt uncomfortable when i talk about anything related to homosexuality at school. I know that people also talk about how it is a choice to be gay (even my own family, some of whom strongly disapprove of my sexual orientation) when many studies prove that being gay is something that you are born with and is part of your psychological function. It has also come to my attention that people at school will hang out with gay men (mostly girls) but then contradict themselves by refusing to hang out with lesbian women such as my self (according to my father, even my own mother thought this) because they are afraid of being hit on. There is such a misconception that just because your gay you are attracted to every person of the same sex. Its no different being gay than being straight other than liking people of the same sex, straight people arent attracted to everyone they see and neither are gay people. and that is only some of the homophobia ive seen.

Do students at our school often use language such as "thats so gay" and "no homo" and what effect do they have?
students use homophobic language like their computers every day all day. Ask any sophomore, I am the chief policewoman at Heschel on homophobic language. On average i hear 2-5 homophobic remarks a day from people in my classes alone. Many times I try to stop them but they never listen. They either: (a completely ignore me (b tell me to shut up because its not important or (c (and this is usually with my close friends (yes they make homophobic remarks too, no matter how many times i try to stop it) they say ok, beat themselves up and then do it again two days later. I have even recently encountered homophobic language in literature used at school. Over break the 10th grade was assigned Dr. Jekkel and Mr. Hyde to read. In the last part of the book i encountered the word faggots (more commonly used as fag) to describe the two parts of Dr. Jekkel's self. I know that the author probably did not mean for it to sound like this but I think it encourages kids to say it more if they read it in a school book or hear it from a person they look up to. That is why to me if a celebrity who uses homophobic language is not getting any of my support. Lastly, I think that no homo affects me so deeply because it is saying no (none ,like never again) homosexual (LGBT people) it gives me a mentality like there is going to be a sort of homosexual holocaust. It instills a great fear in my heart and gives me no hope that people at heschel will ever accept me or anyone else for exactly who they are and that depresses me to the core and caused me last year to do things is i still regret to this day.

How can people act out against homophobia?
People can act out against homophobia by telling there fellow classmates to stop using homophobic language, even in a joking way. They can wear pins that support LGBT causes. They can participate in events such as rallies or the Day Of Silence (dayofsilence.org) that support gay people an their allies. They can join the GLSEN (Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network) mailing list and follow on twitter . If they are really into it they can contact me for more info on how I am involved and what they can do. They most important thing to remember is that its all about education. That 98% of LGBT students reported being harassed (physically or verbally) 2 years ago (2008) and in the same time period close to 15% of HS students dropped out because of that harassment and 20-40% of the 1.6 million homeless youth in America are LGBT youth who have been kicked out of their homes because of their sexual orientation. I have a saying that I want to share: "ignorance is not bliss, ignorance leads to hate, which leads to violence which leads to death, and death is never bliss." All that being said I have no intention of being political (gay marriage, dont ask dont tell) about this because I dont intend to be a politician. I just want to inform and change how LGBT students are being treated, not just in my community or in America but around the world.

Winter Break makes me not post

2009-12-30T09:58:00.000-08:00

Ok reasons I havent posted in like 2 weeks

1. I got a kindle!
2. I am sorry to admit I am addicted to engadget
3. I like to play brawl with my friends
4. my dad was here for the past 4 days
5. it was hannukah/ christmas...spending time with family
6. I finally wrote 10000 words of my memoir
and finally I just like to think...clear my mind

Update on LGBT stuff: I am tentativly scheduled to give a speech to the whole school (i dont know if there will be a speaker there but my fingers are crossed), I am watching milk with the human rights club on jan 15, I am doing a photo essay on gay rights for my photography final project and my partner in crime told me that the school has authenticated an actual GSA. I dont know but 2010 looks to be an exciting year of Gay Rights history for me and for all students out there. We can make it happen, We will make it happen. 2010 the year of equality for all!

SORRY!

2009-12-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

AHHH! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to leave you hanging for so long. I really wanted; but didn't get any :( response to my memoir. I got a Kindle, Wii, Starbucks GC, ladybug shaped box and brand new red bag for Hanukkah. I love all of them (except for the Kindle, which will be waiting for me when I get home) a nd am having alot of fun beginning to get acquainted with my new gifts. I saw Wicked yesterday with my aunt and uncle and while it was much fun I am looking forward to spending more alone time with them, especially my uncle who gives me fatherly like advice. I really want to go to CA in February to spend more time with them and my friends, but my Uncle says he's working and might not have time. It makes me sad because I love the desert, my home, I miss my friends and they have been begging me to come for a really long time, finally I love to spend time with my aunt and uncle and thats not really possible now. I guess we'll see.

I really want speaker to email me! AHH

You didnt ask for it!

2009-12-08T17:54:00.000-08:00

I'm sharing the first page of my memoir with u anyway....AND ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED AND PLACES to protect my privacy

I think that my purpose in life is to share my story with people. My story is unlike any other, unique and humbling but also filled with action and excitement. I know that I’m only 15 and I probably don’t know as much as someone who’s older than me, but I do know a lot for my age. I was forced to grow up fast and never had time to look back, and now I am reflecting on all that’s happened, and it’s been a surprising experience. I wrote this book to share that with you and all the people of the world, So that they can read it and give it to the next generation to come. So here it goes, my story the way I was born, brought up and how I came here today.
On August 30th 1994 I was born at The Med hospital in Birmingham, Alabama. I weighed 5 pounds 3 ounces and my parents were Lawrence Tanner and Delilah Resse. Before I tell you my story I want to tell you a bit about my parents, both of who had their good and bad qualities. My mother Ms. Delilah Erin Resse (also known as Dell or Ms. Resse to her students) was born on August 27th, 1953 in Birmingham. Her parents were Nellie and Stuart Resse. Her mother was a holocaust survivor and a secretary (also a tutor later in life) and her father managed a grocery store. She also had a sister whose name was Lisa who her mother favored deeply. She was always ignoring my
Mother’s accomplishments, and when that happened my mom would always run to her grandmother, Faye. From what I've heard Faye was an excellent person and an even more wonderful grandmother and friend. My mom would run to her whenever she needed to just get away. When my mother was around 16, she developed anorexia and my grandmother found out and was very angry and subsequently pulled my mom out of the treatment center she was in. My mother’s symptoms subsided over the years but because she never got treated she developed complications such as heart problems and depression. The story in my family goes that both of my grandfathers worked in a hair gel factory and got leukemia. My mom’s father died when my mom was 19. When my mom was 18 she went to Peabody college (now known as Vanderbilt University) and got her masters in teaching. She began teaching at a local elementary school back in Birmingham and one day her friend Anne introduced her to her cousin, my father Lawrence Tanner. My father was born on December 9th, 1950. His parents were Matilda and Stanley Tanner and he had a brother that was 7 years older than him, Eric Tanner. My grandfather died when my dad was 12 of leukemia (see above) . My uncle says that after that my father became very angry and ignored his mother, he says that he never made a connection with others. But he was also upset over the death of his father and the sacrifices that he now had to make for his family. When my father was 18 he went to university of Oklahoma but after a year there he transferred to the university of Texas where he dropped out after a year, he never finished college. After that he went back to Birmingham where he became a toy buyer. I don't really know how long my parents went out before my father proposed, nor how long they were engaged for, all I know is that my parents were married sometime during the year 1982. When I was younger my mom showed me pictures of her wedding they were beautiful, my mom looked like a princess and my dad looked as handsome as he could get, it was nice. I don’t know how they were married 12 years before I was born, my parents never seemed to get along after, maybe I did that to them but I don’t think so. I think they might have just grinned and bearded it for the sake of not being alone. Because of all my moms health problems she wasn't supposed to be able to have children so when I came along everyone thought of me as a miracle child. My uncle said this was a very good time for my mom; she gained weight and was very happy. Unfortunately, shortly before my mother became pregnant her grandmother died at the age of 95 and my mom wanted to name me after her but she told my mom not to name her child fanny. My parents also had a deaf Boston terrier, trucker who died of (it's debatable) either an asthma attack or starvation the day I was born.

There you have it...thats only the beginning

When a kid goes bad.

2009-12-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

I know that life can be daunting and get you down, it happens to me all the time. What i dont understand is the anger that builds up from that feeling. Why are people so angry all the time? Why do they take their anger out on people that have nothing to lose? Is it just human nature? Or is it something more? This whole thing reminds me of a tom petty song "when a kid goes bad" (yes i listen to tom petty and yes I like to use song refrences). Still nothing from LOL and its been 3 days! I'm waiting until tomorrow night but im noy the most pateint person. GRRR.

Last thing:

Poll:
I've been writing a memoir for a while now and while its not finished I'd like to know if you guys would lie to view my work in progress:
(1 yes
(2 provide a synopsis and then ill decide
(3 no thanks

POST ANSWERS AS COMMENTS PLEASE.

"in a car with a girl promise me shes not your world"-Andy Your a Star, The Killers

Emmy

Nothing

2009-12-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

I didnt get to do much today, or yesterday for that matter. But it's ok with me. I still have not heard from Live Out Loud, but I'm waiting until tuesday to write them again. Anyone else have any suggestions of speakers? That would be great! Also, I know I did not post a Vlog this week, it was my oops hopefully I'll have one up soon, like on thurs. Anyway, nothin much happinin.

News

2009-12-05T08:50:00.000-08:00

I got word from Student Senate yesterday that a speaker can come to school next month. I emailed live out loud but no response yet (fingers crossed) if on tuesday I dont have a response I will email GLSEN and ask if they have any suggestions for speakers. Posting a New Vlog tonight hope you guys will watch. Today I'm doing some more gift shopping. I really want it to be hannukah already!

Yesterday...

2009-12-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

Gay marriage vote in NY, turned down. Average grade on an english essay= 73.87. Number of times I've stopped a person from saying offensive language in school today (I.E its only 10:24)= 2. How much of an emotional rollercoaster my life is right now= alot. When was the last student senate meeting? yesterday. Did I get an email from any student senators yet? no. Vocab quiz today? Yes. Am I ready? maybe. How much I hate chem right now? a tiny bit, its just boring. What do I want you to do? follow me on twitter: rememberandhope. What do I want to be doing right now? buying and wrapping presents (I'm defanetly a holiday person)

"Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away..."

An acheivment for the ages

2009-12-02T04:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I gave a groundbreaking speech in the history of Heschel. Never before has someone gotten up in front of many a student to speak about LGBT rights. The sense of acomplishment I feel exeeds anything I've felt before. People asked many questions after and during my speech and now the student senate has asked me to do more. To set up a rosh chodesh (new month) program with me & a speaker talking to the whole school. People kept saying how brave I was, but I wasn't doing it for myself, I was doing it for everyone in the school to come and who is already here. I love what I do and I will never change my course, I will never give up. I know in my heart that this is right and nothing can stop me now. I can acheive the once unattaniable.

oops!

2009-12-01T06:53:00.000-08:00

I totally forgot to post yesterday! I was so busy with homework and this speech that I just blanked out about the blog. Speaking of the speech, I'm trying to get an issue resolved with that right now. Worst possible result, it gets rescheduled to friday (I have my fingers crossed though). Yesterday nothing notable happened. I was just happy to be back at school with my friends so I could vent to all of them. I'm also wearing all of my Ally Week prizes today...sticker, wristband & T-shirt. I'm happy with that, proclaming who you are is not a bad thing (dispite what some people might think). I just want to get this on track, to get somewhere before winter break starts (december 23rd). I need this. I will fight for it now.

I'll let you know how the speech goes (if it happens) later

the days go by...

2009-11-29T19:26:00.000-08:00

today i woke up (and i want more...target commericals) and immideatly checked my email and twitter as I always and got an email from my dad (who does not live in my vicinty...you will get to know me and my story over time) and part or it said "As for your Chanukah gift: I already have it. I can't tell you what it is but I'll send it to you at Chanukah time. It cost about $200.

What could it be??????" the only thing I could think of that fits the criteria is the DROID from verizon wireless, which makes me really happy. I spent my day doing 4 things: writing my speech (in my head, its not perfect yet but its getting there), doing my laundry, researching the droid and getting some gifts at target. It was a pretty good day overall but I'm dreading going back to school tomorrow.

GRRR

Errands

2009-11-28T18:02:00.000-08:00

No LGBT related stuff today, although I am still trying to sort out my speech for tuesday (suggestions?). I just ran errands with my mom (frame maker, shoe repair, pedicures) finished making (not checking) my holiday checklist and hollowing out plans for my hannukah party and my uncle's visit in 2 weeks. I plan to go after the rush to target tomorrow to try and get more of my holiday shopping done. I feel an influx of school work coming on so I'm not sure how I'll be able to get it done otherwise. I have alot on my plate (especially this week).

How is everyone out there doing?

Black (and rainbow) Friday

2009-11-27T19:34:00.000-08:00

Today we went to Lawrence, NY to go to a thrift store (a family tradition on black friday) and it was very fun and I got some really good deals. I also got the rest of my prize package from the GLSEN and I plan to watch Brother Outsider very soon. I wish that I could have done all my holiday shopping! I have my overstock cart all filled up and ready to go but I have to wait for my mom to order it. My gift tracker check list is all checked!

Happy Black Friday!!!!

An Advocate Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T19:20:00.000-08:00

Today was a nice break from the everyday. Nice people, nice food and a cuddly puppy. I love talking to my cousins, all of whom are older than me & in college or grad school. Their all really nice and treat me just as if i was their age, there is nothing that sets me apart from them. It's always nice to be with the part of my family who accepts and cherishes me for exactly who I am. I try to relish in family tradition and really be with people not just make conversation. Tomorrow I'm inherriting the tradition of going to our family's favorite thrift store on black friday. I'm excited, because It's always been my mom's thing but now maybe, it can be mine. I love 5 day weekends too. I still have 3 days left and I'm gonna try to grab every second of free time I can get before It's gone. I'm sitting down here to write because I want to avoid cleaning up. I know thats sneaky of me but that's just how I am sometimes...don't penalize me for that! I love thanksgiving...and this is the first one for me thats ever felt real (I've only had 5 thanksgivings)!

NEW VLOG POST

2009-11-25T18:20:00.000-08:00

I'm in the process of putting up a new Vlog post on youtube right now! its mainly just stuff but still check it and leave comments! thanks,

Emmy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2YcXT8BhE8

Hey Everyone

2009-11-24T08:40:00.000-08:00

Hi I'm Emmy, and this is my blog. Its a supplement, a helper if you will to my podcast that you can find at the top of this page, here: http://lgbtadvocate.blip.tv/rss and soon on itunes. I know that reading this might not be that exciting at times but i really need help with this fight. That's right, I called it a fight. But it is. It's a fight to make my school the first Jewish school in NYC to gain a GSA. I need to make things right for me as the first openly gay person and for all the kids who have yet to come out but will. There needs to be a support system at my school. People need to see who I am and why I matter. Where is the goodness that the Jewish community always promises? The people are not living up to what they promised me at the tours of the school. It's a shame what people will do to you sometimes. I'm not saying the faculty and students dont care they just have other, more important things on their mind. That reminds me of a rent song i used to listen to called "You'll See" (BTW rent is a musical that has alot to do with gay rights + it's my fave musical) and they will see that this year, it will be a transformative year for our school and for many other schools across the country. Please Join me any way you can. I go to meetings monthy with an organization called live out loud (liveoutloud.org) and i volenteer with the GLSEN (glsen.org) alot. Please help me in this battle within my community.

Thanks

"I have seen the others and I have discovered that this fight is not worth fighting and I've seen their mothers and I have no other to follow me where I'm going"