I made someone do what she made me do. Why? Why did I do that, I just wanted him to know that there was someone going through the same thing he was. I didnt mean to give him another way to hurt himself. I know once you do it, every time you feel that way after that, you will do it again. He says that its not my fault, but I know it is. I am so tired and so full of ambition and hurt at the same time. These people are my friends and I dont want to lose them, but I dont want to hurt them either.  Why must I do all this to myself. I do wrong by me even when I dont realize it. I do not know how I can reverse this. I want to create a world where me and all my like can be equal, but if I am not sociable and relatively successful I cannot do that. People's intentions are not their actions. They may mean well but they dont act as well as they mean. I need to be a good person. I need to be loved. If I can be loved I can allow all of the others like me to be loved too. 

"In a little while, just a little while, you and I will be 1,2,3,4. In a little while just a little while  I will see your smile on the face of my son to be forever hand in glove, is the way I have it planned, but I'll only stay in love, If the glove contains your hand" - In a Little While, Once Upon a Mattress